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For immediate release from The Elm Street Journal Editorial Sweat Lodge.

Information regarding the loss of Elm Street Journal website information information:

While we cannot directly import all your favorite ESJ posts from yesteryear – the database file was covered in syrup , we have secured the services of the firm of Dewey, Burnham & Jimenez to recreate the entire back catalog of ESJ stores from the memories of  Mr. Charles Woo, the doddering 99 year old Chinese millionaire, and Winston Merrill, Catherine Swarmy’s butler who is richer than she is.  They’re doing this recreation over drinks, so it should be pretty wild.

(Don’t drink, kids!!)

FILE UNDER: EXCUSES, RICH PEOPLES MEMORIES, CIRRHOSIS

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While it would be easy to say that our blog went tits up just to be fashionable, it would be altogether false. Going tits up is so ’09. Let’s just say we willfully and intentionally sabotaged our own bag for lols and attention.

The Elm Street Journal, we’re just like a teenage girl.

FILE UNDER: EXCUSES, JAILBAIT

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It occurred to us that if we had a Facebook page we might feel even more free to just blurt out whatever was on our minds.  The problem was this occurred to us a few years ago and we just got around to doing it now.  Sorry for the delay.  We’ll see you in a couple years when we get around to making an ESJ Twitter.

FUN ON FACEBOOK.

FILE UNDER:  FACEBOOK, LAZINESS.