Me again?? I know, right? Why, in the bygone days of old, I would most likely have waited six months between the last correspondence and the one you’re peepin’ presently, but under the teaching is of my new spiritual guru, William J. Clinton, ESQ, I am learning to give in to my impulses and, y’know, do whatever I want, when ever I want. I KNOW, IT’S LIBERATING.
In investigating the Riverbank Pizza Yelp post from earlier today, I came across one very remarkable local Colusa reviewer who I thought needed to be singled out for very special ESJ special attention. His name is “Roger D.” and his review rating is an astonishing ONE STAR EACH for FOURTEEN TOTAL REVIEWS. Astonishing! I kinda want to hire this guy to write for us.
Anyway, I would like to copy/paste his entire Yelp review repertoire for you now.
NOTE: all items are copy and pasted in context, because it’s more funny that way.
Country Stop (convenience store):
What a freakin’ dump. Roches-mice- greese and dirt.
But it’s a nouvelle roche.
SSooo over priced it’s rediculous. Better just go to Mc donalds. The girls are rude high school girls that act racist.
But at McDonald’s it’s no act!
It is a drug infested dump, good luck. I don’t know why anybody would risk their life going in there.
Because drug addicts are easy to grift, Roger! I thought you were from Colusa.
Riverbank Pizza (best pizza parlor on the planet, probably):
I ate there 1 time, greesy little flat cardboard thing….whoopy! It was to expensive too!
That was the box!
The diner inside the Colusa Casino (????????):
OOhh yum , bagged soup and wilted lettuce and the worst food I have ever ate!
OHHH, flagging by colusa casino staff if it isn’t a good review too. I have eatin’ there, it isn’t worth the gobbs of money you have to spend.
Okay, well, why don’t we get out of Colusa for a l’il bit and head over to Williams and see what Roger has to say about famous truckstop/giftshop/diner Granzellas:
Lets see $4.50 beer, for a guiness???What a laugh. The biggest laugh is a $3.50 Coors, thats a $3.19 profit on keg beer per glass.
People always complain about high prices everywhere they go…this is why…highway robbery.
But then, just to drive the point home:
Keep on driving another hour south and have a pick of hundreds of nice places in sacramento or vacaville. Your in highway robbery vile here. Just a local yokal with you back covered, don’t believe me, just come on in said the spider to the fly.
Well that’s fuckin’ cryptic.
Lou’s Cairo (Williams steakhouse):
It is over rated. I have eaten good steaks before and these are ho hum…nutin special.
These steaks so boring!! I even fall asleep even thinking of giving them two stars!! HO HUM.
La Fortuna Bakery (Williams bakery):
Colusa Casino Resort (gambling establishment):
This is the worst indian casino around, let me tell you…go to cashe creek, much nicer. If your here with your husband during duck season??? Your lying, its a rouge folks, these people post fake yelps all the time…look at all the stars!!!
Oh those rouge skin folks!
Jackpot (famous Colusa landmark):
It’s a GAS station, not a restaurant…can you say “AM-PM”, but worse!!
And how did Roger find himself in SanFrancisco’s famed Tenderloin?? He was in “THE CITY” on May 6th when he had an unfortunate incident at Tomies Market:
This one gave me the runs…..really, something about rainbow colored meat gave me the dirty squirties. Messed my undies bad!!
Do your self a flavor and floor it driving pass this pig with lipstick.
Twisted River Cafe – CLOSED:
The losers stiffed the landlord of 6 months of rent and squatted on the property….Shameful indigents….
in·di·gent – adj \ˈin-di-jənt\
1 : suffering from extreme poverty : impoverished
And finally – Picket Fence Antiques and Collectables (Colusa antique store):
If you can’t believe there are racist people in the world, get a load of this bunch with there civil war relics and black aunt jaminia and uncle tom collection. the owners are mean and snapped at me when i asked about the stuff.
Plus all this racist shit was dusty and OLD. And it was wayyyyyyyyy overpriced. If they made racist relics now you could get em at Walmart for next to nothin’. Ho hum.
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