by Jean-Claude St. Roquefort

Ahhh, ah huh huh huhhhh.  But it is not the springtime, is it not?  How do you say, jump the gun?  How do you say it???

Zeh springtime is the time for the love, it is true.  But it is also zeh time for zeh  revenege?  You did not know this?  Qu’est que vous dis a… zeh Ides of March?  Oh, you have heard of  it, no? Ohhh, ho ho ho, maybe one day, if you learn to read…

Zeh photo essay below illustrates zeh air of zeh romance, but also zeh air of zeh REVENGE.  Leave that plate out, revenge does not need ot be as piping hot as a crepe!!  Stupid.

photo illustrations by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, Jr.

It all started out on the right foot…

photo illustrations by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, Jr.

Or, “Why History Repeats Itself.”

(It’s because even history needs a vacation.  Slave driver.)

It works on the same principle as “Keno”, we hear…

Photo illustration by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, Jr.

photo illustrations by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, Jr.

Why, it’s a party!  A sesqui-celebratation!  Oregon, you deserve it, babe!  Why you’re one-hundred fifty years young today!  Have the other half sando and a milkshake, you deserve it!

While other states would blow their wad on expensive celebrations – fountains of Spanish doubloons, fireworks in the shape of a beaver, a sheet cake — Oregon, you are far too sensible for that. Besides, it’s Saturday, time for the launderin’.

Yes, you’ll need those hose for pounding the pavement come early Monday morn’.  I wouldn’t worry, though, Oregon!  You are home of this “information technology”…right? (Or is that California?  Washington?  Wait.)

Never mind that! Your best bet, Oregon, is to attract a man to help you out of your funk.  And a good one, like Will Rogers.  This here handy concoction, made in Grants Pass, both attracts and repels, depending on which way your wind blows.  (Just ask Gordon Smith!)

Get him “stoned”, if you have to!  Oregon, you have some of the finest “Mary Jane” in all of the world! (If you don’t count Humboldt and B.C., which no, Oregon, you so do not.)

Atta girl!  You have him eating out of the palm of your hand!

Welcome to Easy Street!  Eat my dust, California! ::nom nom nom::