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I didn’t so much dump Facebook as I put it in a bag in a cupboard. Yeah, I fully intended this to be some sort of skewed punishment for Facebook being so rotten, but really, my decision was to (ha ha) harm those responsible for me receiving a butt load of spam the previous week. IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP I WILL SHOW YOU AND HOW GOSH.
And did I ever!
But see here, I have not participated in the Facebook jungle for maybe five days now, and honestly, you’re the big loser! Not me, Mrs. Lincoln. You think Facebook can hold a candle to [NAMES OF THINGS I WOULD NEVER DO ANYWAY]?? Wrong!
What?
There is a lot of talk on the interweb (you are on it now, genius) about this Conan O’Brien thing with him getting shitcanned or whatever, and I have been reading the response that these IMPORTANT issues such as TV shows I don’t watch anyway on message boards. And everyone is in agreement! That Jay Leno is terrible. Which is like saying [SOMETHING REALLY OBVIOUS]. But who cares. Look, I spent 90 seconds designing a t-shirt with a some a sentiment very close to this observation, and even I don’t care.
Hey man, I don’t really watch TV, and not in a “KILL YOUR TELEVISION” bumper sticker sort of way. I am too distracted and I know that if I start I will watch Law & Order for like 40 hours in a row, and think that the noises in the apartment below are caused by Ukranian pimps shuffling girls in and out of their makeshift fake i.d. lab -slash – abortion clinic – AND HADN’T I BETTER CALL THE PORTLAND POLICE AT THIS SECOND?
I do not like to get sucked into the TV world. Recently, dreamboat actor James Franco was on General Hospital and now I am watching that nonsense (AGAIN) on Hulu. It never ends!
So you read these message boards, and people are all “yeah, Lost, yeah something something about Philadelphia, bla bla”, and i know all these shows can’t be good, right? Why are these people openly endorsing a person set aside twenty-two to twenty-five hours out of their year just to devote to a televiosn program whose only real purpose is to get your neighbors to buy Cadillacs so you’ll want one too.
And don’t get me started on watching shit for irony’s sake – the Jersey Shore or whatever. I personally know enough despicable people already. ”Have you seen the Jersey Shore?” “No, I’ve been to Doug Fir, thanks.”
You can’t say these things on the internets, because most of these people who love and vouch for these tv shows so much – ironically or sincerely – are in their twenties, and I think there is a rule that people in their thirties are not allowed to tell people in their twenties how dumb they are. BECUASE NO ONE TOLD ME! AND THEY STILL DON’T. NOT YOU!
So today, I’m reading about what all the talk show hosts are doing in light of this BIG NBC fiasco, and someone I don’t know was doing the old vouching for a TV show thing, which, as I said before, not something I like to get involved with. But someone for the first time vouched for the new Late Night with Jimmy Falon, saying that I, too, should watch it BECUASE IT IS LIKE NO OTHER TALK SHOW ANYONE HAS EVER SEEN. Now, this is completely false. I have seen a bad talk show before.
But I didn’t say that. No, the ghost of Mark Twain appeared to sing to me a song about hoot owls and pine cones. And truthfully, once you get him warmed up, he can go all night.
